Greetings, you mass of glorified orangutans! It is I, the Question Asker! Greatest criminal mind in the greater Burbank area! If by some amazing chance you've never heard of me, here is a small sampling of my most recent accomplishments:
Destroyed Dicker Man (2011)
Best Overall Villain (2010)
Most Devious Deathtrap (2001-Present)
Most Unsolvable Riddles-Resulting in the Death of the Riddled Individual Category- (2007)
Daytime Drama Emmy (2003)
But cease your chihuahua-like shaking, cretins! I have not infiltrated this insipid blog as a means of perpetuating yet another awe-inspiring villainous scheme. You are in no immediate danger; rather, I am in need of your...assistance.
Having recently destroyed my arch-nemesis, I found my life now curiously lacking in purpose and direction. What remained for me to accomplish now that the goal to which I had previously dedicated my existence had been achieved? So I set out into the world, searching for meaning...
And sweet Christmas, are you people hard to be around. Always so confused and irate, always some petty new conundrum fueling your perpetual whining. The stench of your collective failure is quite literally sickening.
So it is with great pleasure, and modest condescension, that I magnanimously announce my latest pursuit: a regular advice column in this hi-jacked space entitled, "Ask the Question Asker."
The premiere mind of the 21st century is at your disposal! Involved in a meaningless squabble with your insignificant other? I can help! Unsure of which color to paint the squalid domicile of your mewling offspring? I'm the man! Uncertain of how to approach your worthless superior regarding a paltry increase in pay at your useless job? I am AMAZING!
But it all starts with you people. Leave your moronic questions and concerns in the comments below. No subject is any further beneath me than any other, so ask me anything! And if you are lucky, perhaps I will choose your pitiful life as a brief recipient of the light of my genius! Until next time, insects!
The Question Asker